Rhod Gibert's Best Bits エピソード・リスト
| Transcription | Gist in Japanese |
This is a podcast from BBC Radio Wales. To find out more, go to bbc.co.uk/radiowales. |
BBC ラジオ・ウェールズがお送りします。 |
(00:16) If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in the studio in Cardiff with Eggsy from Goldie Lookin Chain. |
ロッド・ギルバートです。今日のゲストはエグジー。 |
(00:27) I don't like Holloween. / No. It's ... it's ... it's enforced fun. "Oh, let's put some __ __ put some blood on our faces, do you know what I mean? / I don't like it. / It's not good, is it? Do you know what I mean? / __ know why, I'm quite shy, and I don't like the dressing up bits, and I don't like that. That's it. / just feels ... oh, I don't know / people / why aren't you having fun? / why haven't you got a costume on?" "Because I'm not an idiot. You know, I draw the line / it's getting bigger and bigger. / Oh, it's massive. / BBC canteen ... / Yeah. / somebody hollowed out a pumpkin. / I've got a feeling it's Haloween-related. It's not just that somebody has a problem. / Fake spider's web. __ is nothing like a spider's web. It's just a bit of cotton wools / Irritating. / Yeah. / come on / decent spider, you are not going to put your web there anyway. Do you know what I mean? It's gonna be a tree / somewhere. / it's not gonna be near the orange juice. / No, exactly, you know / can do / I don't know why I don't like it. I'm ... I'm quite shy at things, and it just irritates me. I don't know why. / I ... I'm not into it. Uh ... the last time I had a good time __ Halloween ... / fancy dress irritates me. I can't help it. / I hate it. I hate it. You know, I was forced to do fancy dress once ... I ... I just put a boiler suit on / How forced were you? It's really hard to force someone to do fancy dress / I was working for, uh, let's say, a rival station. / Hhh? / OK? / I'm not gonna say anything else. / Do you mean there are other stations out there? / There are other stations apparently, right? / I __ no idea / gone / you mean / somebody else / there could be somebody else / if they do this, you don't wanna ... you don't wanna work for them. They forced us all to put fancy dress on. / Really? / It's ridiculous. There were people dressed up like gladiators, people dressed up like ... / Why? It's radio. What's the point? / Exactly. __, exactly, exactly. I'm glad you are on my side. / radio / I put a boiler suit on. I just turned up in one (one=the boiler suit in this situation) / it was easy to put on. / a plumber? / come as a plumber / It was easy. Do you know what I mean? 'cause __ __ I had a boiler suit in the house anyway / put it on / go as a plumber? / I did. And, when / "I'm a plumber. Just leave it." Do you know what I mean? / that's brilliant / it's brilliant, because, otherwise / people / That's brilliant. I've never thought of / in fancy dress / I / just go in / I'll just come as a ... I'll just come as my own father / exactly. / trousers / top / "I've come as a man." / yeah / you know what I mean? Easy. Absolutely easy. / come as someone else / Yeah / these are my ... these are my usual clothes. / Yeah / I've got odd (not matching) socks on. I'm crazy / you know what I mean? It's just, I hate ... / I know exactly what you mean / I'll come as / do you know what I mean? It's just, I hate fancy / just normal / Exactly. Exactly. / it just makes me so angry. / Um ... next time I get forced to do fancy dress, plumber. I'm definitely going as a plumber. / Yeah / Did you take any tools or anything like that, or any __ / No, just the boiler suits / my latest one / not even a spanner? / Not even a spanner. So, I / Nothing? / Not even a biro. So I can / Not even that belt thing with some tools on it? / No. And, this year, do you know what I'm doing? Go in as an invisible man, don't even have to turn up. Easy, easy. Do you know what ... / did you come / yeah /invisible man. All night. Great party." Do you know what I mean? / That is genius / Brilliant, innit? You know. / that is genius / if they try and give you enforced fun ... / what is your tip for Haloween / expert / what is your tip / people / Halloween / then if / roped into it / like us / you don't like / fancy dress, you are a bit shy and self-conscious / Yeah. Uh, firstly, say you're gonna be there. / Yeah. / Then, when they say "Where were you?" / "Oh, you were having such good time you didn't notice me because I was an invisible man." Just drop that in. You're gonna be fine. / pathetic / you can't go to a Halloween party as an invisible man again / they're gonna go "Hang on, Eggsy. The last fancy dress party you came / we didn't see you all night / it works so well / somebody's gonna catch on / catch on, you are not going to their party / Yeah, you are probably right, actually. But, um, alternately, um, pop round to wherever the party is gonna be, ... / Yeah, / ... pop a sheet on top of a clothes horse. "I was a ghost. I stood in the corner all night." Easy. Absolutely easy. "I was just very still, watching everybody / earlier in the day, / Yeah, / set up __ clothe horse / just find a hook / pop / sheet / I was in the corner. I was next to Darren__, all night long." You know. Easy, easy. |
ハロウィーンなんか嫌いだ。/ 楽しめって言われてもね。/ オレはシャイだし。仮装がどうも。/ 「楽しんでる？ あら、どうして仮装してないの？」どうしてって、おれはバカじゃないから。悪いけど。/ 年々ひどくなる。 / おおごとだよ。/ BBC のキャンティーンにカボチャが置いてあった。ハロウィーン関係じゃないかとにらんでるんだ。/ ティッシュの蜘蛛の巣とか、くだらねえ。/ イラつくよな。/ なんなら蜘蛛を一匹放しといたらいい。本物の蜘蛛の巣を張ってくれるから。/ とにかくオレは仮装がイヤでたまらない。/ 強制的に仮装させられたときは、ツナギの作業服を着てってやった。/ 強制的に？ そんなこと許されないだろ？ / それがさ、別の局で仕事をしたときに ... / 別の局？ / そこは突っ込まないでくれ。とにかくパーティーがあってさ、仮装しろと言われた。/ ラジオだろ？ 意味ねーよ。/ だろ？ で、たまたま家にあったツナギの作業服を着てった。/ 水道屋さんに仮装したのか。すばらしい。オレもそうしよう。でも小道具が必要だろ？ / いらないよ。/ スパナも？ / スパナもボールペンもいらない。/ ごついベルトに道具をいっぱいぶらさげてるじゃないか。あれもいらない？ / いらない。でね、今年は透明人間に仮装しようと思ってる。パーティーに行かずに済む。「どうして来なかったんだい？」「行ったよ。透明人間に仮装して。楽しかったな。」/ 天才だ。でもその手は一回しか使えないだろ。/ 別の手を教えよう。パーティー会場に早めに行って、コート掛けに白いシーツをひっかけておく。で、おれは幽霊に仮装してたよ、と言い張るんだ。 |
(04:05) I was gonna do a Holiday Disasters feature ... 'cause I've had my usual holiday disaster ... excuse me. / so, is this a constant with you, every time you go on holiday / Every time. / something / go wrong? / I'm improving, because, the disasters of old, / Right. / the disasters of yore, / Yeah, __ __ Medieval years. / Yeah, the old battle days, used to be always disorganizational-related. / Leaving passports behind, that kind of thing? / Uh ... leaving passports behind, getting to France and realizing I hadn't booked the place I thought I had booked, it was all shut up / having to stay in somebody's garage ... that's the only place __ could find in Britney__ / So, you've refreshed your ... your ... your holiday troubles now with ... with a new __ / I mean, that was the old problems, and, __ when I say old, they are not long ago. I mean, the last one in France in June was, I set off to try to find a house in the south of France / just the house name / wonderful / quite big / big argument with the owner / day I was supposed to arrive, because he couldn't believe / house name / I blamed the travel company for not sending me the stuff .../ Wow. / end up staying in a hotel while / down the road, and ... / Oh, god / Anyway, it's usually, as that person wrote, / usual disasters, they are usually my faults. / Right. / and __ usually because I have no patience, no concentration, and totally disorganized, distracted, and can't be ... I would rather ... this is how bad I am. I would rather just set off with a house name ... / Yeah. / ... than spend three minutes writing down or a minute writing down the address, the whole address, I'll just go "Ahgg__, that's all right, uh / Yeah. / can't be bothered / let's go. Let's go / I'm a bit like that / Impatient. / I'd happily do it, and, if it goes wrong, fair enough. But, if you are with someone, you are with a loved one / your partner on holiday, the pressure builds / stress / If you are by yourself, / matter / with somebody else, you can feel you can cut that pressure. / Absolutely. You can ... you can / our holidays are always stressful, pressure-cooker environment / Oh, god. / Every single one of them __ been ... I can't think of one that hasn' been an out-and-out, absolute unmitigated disaster ... / So, you've never had ... / ... because of my disorganization, unwillingness to plan, that kinds stuff. Every single one. Now, I'll tell you how I've sorted it. Got me an agent to do it. / Brilliant. / Books everything. / Technically ... / Every aspect of it / But / still problems though? / there were / you know what the broblem was this time? / Yeah / Nothing. Organization, superb. / Right. You got ... you got there on time? / she does everything, from the house to back to my house. / Yeah / She plans everything. She likes / she even chooses the resort, pretty much / whatever we do / that's good / everything / Can you organize the chocolates on the pillow in the hotel? / She can't do that. / OK. But __ pretty close / she might be able to do that / I hadn't push it / Yeah, push it, push it. / she does / everything for me, literally, and it was awesome, right? / Yeah. / And, uh ... So, this time, we got there, got to the Ca__, St. Lucia, awesome, brilliant place, / Beautiful place. / Everything's wonderful / Apart__, ... somebody called me Roger Morgan, a bit upsetting ... / OK. / but apart from that, / Yeah, / everything looking good. / OK, yeah. That's not bad. / somebody, when I got there / the first thing / said / "Hey, Roger Morgan / absolutely wonderful, everything perfect, wonderful, great, all well-organized, brilliant. I ... day 1, I, ... before I left, I had an ear ache. / That's not good. And you are flying as well. / Flying as well __ no antibiotics / one of / Gilbert / in Belfast / killed __ infection, / Yeah, / just before I got / flight fine / got to thingy__ / St. Lucia, Ca___, did a bit of swimming, first day / Oh, swimming with an ear infection? / Day 2, aw, aw, / aw, and, it's hot, it's hot as well / Day 3 ... / Huh huh. / ... in bed / yeah, ... oh, no. / so that, with ice pack around my head / __ down? / Yeah. Well, couldn't ... I couldn't move my head / Was it like Citizen Cane in thr end? / bed / never got to the end / bed / C__ / never got to the end / OK, right, OK. / don't spoil it / 400 times and, what you got, / what's that song __ NBC / Citizen __ / that's me. / long way to go __ that film / got ten minutes in __ I keep falling asleep. I keep falling asleep / yeah, yeah / what time / morning / to do with the ear ache at the end of the film / OK. Don't spoil for everyone __ __n't got to the end / coming up today. / hey / 360, 360 broadcasting, 360 degrees, this is. / __ __ __ / So, anyway, I can't move. I can't move my head at all. My whole ... my whole left side of my head as, like, swollen up / No. / like / swollen up / move my jaw / Jabba-the-Hut on holiday / emergency doctor out, another two different __s of antibiotics, / Oh. / painkillers ... So, I __ __ in bed for three days, right? / Oh, my ... how long was the holiday, in all? / Two weeks. / OK. / I / in bed for three weeks / in bed, proper bed, like, just, soup through a straw, cold soup through a straw / This is rubbish / this is rubbish / right, literally being fed through the straw / Oh, god / yeah / and, uh ... ha ha, but, pecker's up / OK / you know / Huh huh. / spirits are still OK / still going / I can just about read burning agony / doctor ups my painkillers. / OK. / what he doesn't realize is I've got, uh, well, __, I forget to tell him, / yeah / I've got stomach problem / you were going from bad to worse here? / So, the painkillers he gives me set my stomach problem off / no, what / So, in the middle of the night / three in the morning, I'm screaming like, pretty much just rolling on the floor, / Oh my god. / thing / he suggest __ hospitalization in / C__ hospital / stuff / I can't face / this is horrible / it was horrible. Really horrible. / yeah / but then they took me off those painkillers / got / calm down / breathing / it's like a labor / like John H__ in "Alien". / I said I haven't seen that. / Ah. I wouldn't say any more then. / Don't spoil it for everyone. Stop relating everything to film. / I'm sorry. I just live in a dream world. It's my only way of escaping. / I haven't seen / any film / anyway, right / breathing exercise / three in the morning / briefly, the only benefit of the stomach problem, which is terrible when I get it, / Huh huh. / Right? Really bad / forgot about my ear problem. For five minutes / basically the stomach / contraction / five minutes on, five minutes off / yeah / over about two-hour period / Oh my god. / Right? and, 'cause / kind of, / Yeah, / stomach wall lining / Oh, nasty. / but / it does make me forget about the ear ache / just briefly / pain in the stomach / cope with / five days of that. / Oh. / none of the stomach / OK / you couldn't cope with five days / enough / five days of ... of no solids, / huh / ice pack on my head / trying / jaw swallen up and everything / painkillers every 90 minutes. That was the only thing I / cope / that's / my holiday / Did it get slightly better towards the end? / Well, after that, I still had another week. I came out of it / (10:57) Wait a minute, It's stopped raining, / Oh, yay. / Guys are biking, Guys are sailing, playing baseball, Gee, that's better, Mother, father, kindly disregard this letter ... do you remember that song? / Yeah. / "Wait a minute ... / I do. / It's the ... that's what I felt / off came the icepack / off with the painkillers / doctors left, wait a minute / in my mind's eye, / musical / you are in the bed, and people from the hotel / come in, the whole team. / Wow. / Yeah, Mustafa, Christos / wait a minute, It's stopped raining / all gang, all the gang / I was down on the beach, I was playing baseball, / Oh, lovely. / No, not baseball. What do you call it? / Uh ... / Ball. / Ball. / ball / that's what it's called / we all love it / ball. That's the one / playing / I was swimming, / Yeah. / but, doctor's order / only up to your chest / that's cool / that's all you need / week / C___ / up to chest / my head / nice / on holiday / didn't look good, but / me / R___ Morgan |
「旅の失敗」コーナー。 |
(11:57) I'll tell you another / holiday disaster I had / yeah / this is, uh ... this is one of those ones __ people / wanna go / was this the same holiday as / same holiday. This / just last week / somebody / sunset cruise, right? / OK. / in the C__ / Sounds nice. / and they said they saw, and I quote, "Hundreds and hundreds of dolphines". / OK. / That's the ... that was their quote. / OK. / go on a C__ ... go on the sunset cruise, Rhod" / hundreds of them? / hundreds and hundreds of dolphines / I went on / sunset cruise next night. / Yeah. / Have a guess to the nearest dolphine, ... / OK. / ... how many dolphines I saw / supposed to be hundreds / I don't even __ __ guess. Is it just ... / Go on, guess. / 28. / None. / ... / Not one. / so, what happened? / the night before / hundreds and hundreds. Not a single dolphine did I see on that sunset cruise. / not / I know that's not a holiday disaster, right? I'm not putting / Holiday Disaster feature. / No. / aside. / Yeah. / nobody gonna say "Well, OK, / disaster / holiday / any dolphines / not seeing a dolphine does not a disaster-make / But somebody lied to you. / tell you / I don't think they lied to me. I think they got ... they got lucky. / they / they are obviously dolphine-friendly. / Yeah. / And, uh, I saw one flying fish __ __ honest / Did you see a flying fish? / Oh, no no no, no, I saw two turtles. What am I talking about? / Turtles are good. / two turtles / you saw flying fish as well? / Two turtles / yeah, flying fish / it's like a Christmas song, isn't it? / "Two turtles ... / yeah / just turtles, though / OK / 50 yards away, / huh huh, / turtle, / floating / bobbing up and then / down under / proper big old turtle, yeah / guy in the boat / three- or four-feet big, / That's good. / You know, massive. / That's good. And you saw flying fish? / And then, my girlfriend / so short-sighted, at one point she went / look, turtle, turtle, turtle / down there, turtle, turtle, / I was looking over and I thought / look at his little face, look at his little face, look at ..." we came past it, it was a coconut. |
イルカが何百匹も泳いでいるところが見られるという評判のサンセット・クルーズに参加しました。オレは何匹見ることができたでしょうか。当ててごらん。/ ええと、ええと ... / 前の日に参加した人たちが、実際に何百匹も見たと言っていた。さて、オレが見たのは何匹？ / ... 28 匹？ / ゼロ。/ ゼロ？ / ... いや、こんなのは「旅の失敗」コーナーに入れるようなものじゃないけどね。/ ウソつかれたのかな。/ それは言い過ぎだろう。前の日の人たちはたまたま、イルカに好かれる人たちだったんだよ。そうそう、イルカは見れなかったけど、ウミガメを ... / 見たのか。すげえ。/ 乗ってる船の 50 ヤードばかり先の海面にね、ポコポコと出たり引っ込んだりしているものが見えた。そして、... |
disaster / 99 / terrible sunburn on my back, put a shirt on to take a jeep tour, up-mount ..." How would you say that? / yeah / TIDE / in the air-conditioned jeep / sun / dried in my shirt / when I stood up / skin / came away with my shirt / forthcoming. / Ooo, like / block of / film / I haven't__ seen it / sorry / film / Do you know what, though, talking about sun burn, uh, that was my last __ Moldive's ones, I went / swimming / Moldive's / I didn't know ... / yeah / that, when you / snorkelling / I was underwater / oh yeah / gets worse / underwater. / get me there / I didn't feel it. I didn't feel a thing, two-hours' snorkeling. / It gets you really badly under the water. / Nearly two days in bed after that / remember / sketch / with sunburn / it wasn't a fun sketch. / Oh / it was a bit of a nasty one. I used to work ... / what does that mean? "I'd a sketch / sunburn / people / funny / a bit of a ... pain in the bottom, / huh / You know / I've never heard / that phrase / I've had a bit of a sketch / what to do / what to do / phrase / Radio Wales listeners / trendy new pod-language / my street language is / down / street language / kids / listener / text / to do / Well, a few years ago ... well, quite a few years ago, I worked in one of those supermarkets, didn't really want to work / I wanted to take a weekend off to go to the beach / yeah / told / on Monday / have you been?" And, uh, I said, uh, "I've been ill / I haven't ... "Where have you been? / the thing is, I had completely red face / wear__ my sunglasses / white marks on my eyes / yeah / been ill / where have you been? / been ill / where have you been? / my mother / left, and I / looking after the family." Technically she'd gone to London for the weekend, right, / she had left home, Right? / and I was looking after myself. / Yeah. Family. / So, it was true, and they put me on one of / gentle aisle that night / ok / put on / to stack the shelf / Is that ... Is that what they think it is / supermarket? / don't / sorry, we didn't realize. Go on, go on one of the ... uh ... / toilet rolls / how are you feeling? / oh, still a bit ... still a bit upset. Yeah, you know / So, how did you explain the red face with white eyes / sunglasses / they just let it go. / they, they ... because I use such a powerful lie. On top of it, They were just like, just / let me go / He looks like he's gonna cry. / I think / from the pain / looked like / cry
I'll tell you what. A few weeks ago, talking about far-away, far-flung listnerships. We had an email / remember / from a buddhist monk in a monastery in India, ... / Wow. / and / and Corky / buddhiest monk listening to this show / allowed to listen to the radio / No. / and me and corky thought / ridiculous. He can't really be / questions like / the vow of silence / Yeah. This is it / allowed to text these days? / strange enough, they are allowed to ... / new technology / they are allowed to have mobile phones 'cause they / How do you know that? / 'cause their religion is so old, there were no rules written about mobile technology. / Exactly. / So they can have them. / That's what I mean / vows of silence / new technology / to text / I think you are / under / vow of silence? / slight clicking noises / press the buttons / still pretty quiet. / at the time, we / all these questions / where is he / is he really a monk? / is he allowed to send emails? / vow of silence? Does he listen to the podcast / all sorts of questions / Good. Yeah. Does he know any Shaolin monks? / answer that / OK. But / he's come back / What's he saying? / Name: Yashe Ragbye / Nice name. / pronounce / I know / sounds cool. / Yashe Ragbye. Location: India. / Wow. / "Hi, guys. Yes, I am a b___ monk." / Wow, that / first / so he's certainly cleared that up / H__ p__, India." / OK. Good. / still / I haven't been there myself, but it sounds real. / Why would you? You are not a monk. / Exactly. / "Of course we don't listen to podcasts during meditation / "Of course", like Michael W__. "Of course we don't listen to podcast during meditation. / That was one of our questions / listen to the podcast while you meditate / doing the cleaning, you know. / Who knows? / who knows / But he says, "we don't listen to podcasts during meditation. But we do have free time, and I listen then. My family live in Wales. that is why I listen to you." Ha, right, OK. / Huh. / Huh, that's good. / "We do not take a vow of silence. But when we are on retreat, we don't talk, email or listen to anything ..." What's 'on retreat'? / I think that's kind of, like, you go to a place and hang out. That's my interpretation of it. / Are you thinking of __ a-priori or something? / you are thinking of rehab__ / Yeah, I'm thinking of __ there, aren't I? Yeah. / imagine / what's a retreat? uh ... why do you / shouldn't / whole life is retreat. / I think "retreat" is, maybe, you ... you leave the real world ... you retreat from the real world / but monks are retreated / for the rest / retreat, I think, of somebody who is really busy, life __ get on top of you, so f__ f__, busy, life in the first lane / Oh, I think / go on a bit of a retreat / If you are a buddhist monk, what are you gonna retreat from? / That's true. / It can't be that hectic in the m__ / do you know / need a break / avoiding / standing on insects? / what / B___ monk / retreat? / I don't know / Get in touch, Y__ / let us know / and, also, does know any Shaulin monks, 'cause / favorite / and, also / he might do. / group of monks / all know each other. / They're all mates, you know / if you have a collective of monks, are they known as monkeys? / I wouldn't have thought so. / OK, good. That's good. It's just that / someone / to clear it up in my mind. / I do know, because it's like / Isn't it a "flange" of monks? / Is that what it is? / Or "baboons" / Ah, OK. / a m__ crows / of crows, a parliament of awls / what is it of monks? A gang ... of monks? / what is it of monks / What is it of monks? That's good / what is it? / gang of monks, is it? "a gang" is far too threatening and sinister / don't look / Why? / gang of monks over there / gaggle of monks / could be a "bunch of monks". / bunch of monks / It could be 'a bunch of monks' / A bunch of monks. I like "bunch of monks" / gang of monks / Hey, do you know? "A retreat of monks". / No. / No? / I thought that sounded good / it dose sound quite good / like it's almost believable / look / but I think / normally, if you say things in a sentence / what comes out naturally is what it is. / Yeah. / Like, if you / awls / there / parliament of awls / naturally is what it is / always / parliament of awls / always. I / walked / this morning, about four o'clock this morning / parliament / awl this morning / I don't own him, but he comes in and __ / What? In Newport? / Yeah. I've got a fox as well. I've got a fox and awl. And / haven't / tell you what. If you had a chicken / good life / you could do that thing. You can go ... so, / how did they ... / fox and awl / The fox / stand off with a cat, and I watched them, right? / and the cat / just / brilliant. You think / fight and tear each other up. The cat looked at him like that. I can't __ radio, so you can't see / like that / sort of __ describe for listeners. So, they ... / cat looked at the fox desparagingly / look back, sort of, bothered, bothered face / and, as they were still keeping an eye contact, __ __ went to sniff some plants near them. / What? / each of them independently sniffed some plants? / way / walk past on the street if you are in a cafe / coffee shop or something / yeah / high stools / you might be chewing / or something / sniffing the plants, looking at each other, and they / just / coffee shop / you lost me there. / the same way / same way, their eyes were looking / their noses were doing something else / what do you mean "their eyes were looking but __ noses were doing something else / Because I ... / how often / eyes / so / looking / doin the same thing as an eye / they were using two senses / use / almost can smell fear. There was no fear here / just plants / there was just / two of them independently sniffed a plant? / and then they just looked / awl just / comes round, he makes a bit of a noise, and then / I've got / lovely __ __ secret garden at the back of my house. Nobody knows about it. / Well, it can't be that secret / that secret / cats / aware of it / I've got all types in there. I / it / I / ladybird / last night / ladybird / last night / it was great / 11 spots. / Did it? Did you count them? / very elaborate, yeah / very elaborate / So, it was good / good sort of nature / live in Newport / Newport / ladies and gentlemen / it's like ... it's like / __'s wonderland. Do you know what mean ? / in your garden / no, but I've seen __ on television / comes out / let's get back to monks. / OK, yes, yes. / __ fascinate as your / my garden is / trying / zoo garden / I'm trying / pictures / anyway, monks, yes, monks / where were we? / We were talking about what / I've totally forgotten / animals / we were talking about / your zoo, your secret zoo / my managery / call / collective of monks / oh, that's what it was / I / yes / trying to come up with a sentence, a natural sentence / parliament of awls / look over there / gang of monks / wouldn't say that / too sinister, too threatening / hey, hey, how about this? "A reflection of monks" because they reflect, and they ... do you know what mean? / I like / sounds / like / look over there. / a reflection of monks / bunch / gang / gaggle / flange of monks / flock of monks / "a monestery of monks" / technically / building, isn't it / look / over there / a hatch of rabbits
Stories in the paper this week / yeah / the headline is, "Young Britains can't bleed the radiator. / I heard about this. I heard, and I'm shocked. / Are you? / I am shocked. / half a Britains under 40 / Huh huh / that's not me / don't know how to bleed the radiator. That's it. / one of the first things my dad ever taught me, that. / one of the first / basic facts, OK? / No. But that's what / this story says half the Britain under 40 don't know how to breed the radiator / these people are silly / study also / 75% / young adults / Just look at the gage. What's wrong with you, people? / I can't do that / Oh, come on. I ... I / my boiler recently / 81 percent have no clue / how to deal with frozen pie. ... Oh, sorry / Frozen pie? / no, no / frozen pipe. Sorry / can't even feed themselves / even feed themselves / know how to deal with the frozen pie / 'deal with' seems like a big word for a frozen pie / how to deal with / I'll tell you what. I can deal with one, but two / afterwards / deal with a frozen pipe, sorry. I thought / deal with ... / British Gas / 81% of people can't deal with / this area / somebody ... somebody like that / Mr. Mc___ / other frozen brands are available / other frozen brands are available / people / captain / people / deal with a frozen pie / Exactly / frozen pipes / makes much more sense / blah blah blah / experience / severe cold wheather / but, but, but, I __ __ DIY, I can't do anything / not very good at DIY / can you push a shelf up? / never tried / do / my house / I'm too scared / __ / I'm too scared / I'm too scared / gonna drill into a wire behinde the wall / or, gonna be wonky__ / everything / slide off / someone / Do you know what I mean? / too scared to even try. / A: I've got no patience. / I cannot be bothered to learn how to do some __ __ just smash a shelf up / smash it up if I had to. / I / massive washing machine / use at the moment. / __ you? / for months / washing machine in my kitchen is ... it's a built-in unit. Do you know what I mean? / I know exactly what you mean. / OK / So, at the bottom of the washing machine, there's, like, a wooden __, __board / I can't get into that __board to access the drainage valve on the washing machine / I don't even know what a drainage valve is. You've already lost me there / read the manual / I can't read a manual / two and a half hours / German version first / I realized there is an English version at the back of the manual / five different languages / get this German washing machine / found the English bit, / Yeah. / It explained / drainage / every couple of years you need to __ / drain out / some / built-in tumble dryer / tumble dryer / like / got a built-in tunble dryer? / I've got a fox, I've got an awl / cat / massive, innit?__ / they are massive / hot-cold taps in my house / they are massive / in my house / yeah / I've got it all. Honestly. I haven't a microwave, though / never made it up / didn't sell as much as Elton John. / I've got a thing about microwaves / what is it? / food __ glowing in the dark / all / radiation / and also, you / hundred quid on a machine / Are they that cheap now? / Yeah. / Really? / Oh yeah. / not really DIY now / moved on to sort of basic cookery there / moved / But, DIY / pot noodle is not DIY. / No. No. / Right. / God, no. / I can't do ... I can't do anything / my problem is, A: / no good at / no good / hand / B: / no patience / do anything / no patience / that's why / without writing down the address of the house / single picture up / put a picture up the other day / two years / my girlfriend / attempted / one day / just ended up just with a hammer just smashing a hammer-shaped / becomes like a __ __'s sketch, in my mind, after a while / one thing leads to another / wall comes down / wardrobe / on top of you / someone / circle / mean / rollerskates going down the hill / exactly / exactly / is like / shocking / tried to mow a lawn / decide to maw a lawn / this year / that's it I / never / in 20 years / parents / kid / any good? / tried to m__ / borrowed / I borrowed my neighbour's trimmer. / OK. / Right? / borrowed this trimmer, plugged in / the garden / Woooop! Bumb__. Broke. / broke in less than a second. / Woooop! Broken. / you need / handed it back to him over the garden fense / how / even managed / completely broke / two weeks later / completely re-layed the lawn / dug it all up, dug / all again / he got me / is my job / pat down the new grass. Couldn't do it / god / didn't have the patience / I don't like that / only, like / foot wide / new grass / guess / get a man in. Get a man in. / back to / but then, he / said / sprinkle your lawn. You gotta get / water your lawn every day / That's rubbish / well, that's what he said / new lawn / in the summer / borrowed ... I said to my neighbour / sprinkler?" / gonna break it / plugged it into / put it in the middle of the lawn, / Oh, no. / stood well back / stood well back / yeah / switched it on the tap / Oh, no. / Right? / one squirt of water came up, / Oh / like a child weeing on his back. / and then ... and then it went off / then / the hose bit shot our of sprinkler / broken / across the fense / god / it's all right now because, uh / back to me, I / tap on. Bzzz__. Broke it again / handed back to him, pretty much whole day. / just / basically what you need to do is ... / Basically what I need to do is to build a bigger fense between us.
Have you got a drill? / No. I've got a set of screw drivers / I went to B&Q , other shops available / day / get a hang / bit between my teeth / not a drill bit / I don't mean that / I'm not that bad at DIY / good / metaphorical, / Huh huh, / bit between my teeth / learn DIY / bought a drill / haven't even broken the celophane seal on the box. / Probably never will. / Never will. / probably / talk about / taping things up / I've got / chimney problem / all / up / everybody / cellotape __ christmas wrapping / did / that's terrible / that's my DIY. / that's / I do same thing. I would do the same thing / If you can't cellotape it, it doesn't get done / it, pay a professional. / professional / flatpack. I can't do that / one Ikea wardlobe / doors / back to front. / instead of putting / hands in front of you / out why / you had to put them out / towards / I had to buy a table recently, and I thought about Ikea / like just / buy a more expensive pre-made one. / yeah / did / trying to get them in the house. / Oh, that was a nightmare. / Yeah. / so heavy. At least / Ikea stuff is, you know / fit in the house / send it back / Yeah. It's a nightmare / my problem is patience. / Yeah. / Here's an example / DVD last Christmas / OK / you don't / ITV, period, uh, upstairs-downstairs sort of, uh, / Right. OK. / costume / sort of wartime ... / OK / ... costume drama / Right. OK. Yes. / got a box / just a ... just a DVD / just one / bought it / couldn't get it open. ... Got the cellophane off the __, but / couldn't / just a little stiff. / OK / what would you do in that situation? / it was a little stiff / I tried for ... let me see, __ __ a bit long / for five or ten seconds / I'd ask a friend, I'd ask / lover / ask / relationship. I / work on it / get / at least 20 minutes / What did you do? / I smashed it into pieces with a hammer. / Did the disc survive? / that is what ... uh ... no. / Oh, that's brilliant. / Of course it didn't / wonderful / smashed it to bits / used / very angry / that's a different story altogether. / That's much darker. / Oh, much darker.
If you enjoyed that one, why don't you listen to the whole show? / live on BBC Radio Wales / bbc / 11 til 1. And, don't forget, Ask Rhod Gilbert / BBC 1, Wednesday nights, 10:45.
Sound source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/rhod rhod_20111029-1708a.mp3